A Place for Catholics and Christians Struggling with Homosexuality
What the cross we bear as Christians with homosexual attractions comes down to is chaste obedience, which more often than not requires celibacy. Celibacy is a requirement of any person not in a licit marital union. This is all well and good, but I often take this to the next step and question the premise:
Fine, I understand God’s design for sex, but it is still not fair to me because it leaves me only one option: celibacy, while a heterosexual can still get married and find sexual release, whereas, I cannot.
I struggle with this concept.
In fact, finding the response is difficult, but I think that I have.
The reality is that all Christians of any gender, orientation, or particular cross have only one option: obedience. It doesn’t matter what temptation we deal with we owe obedience to God. So I don’t see celibacy is my option, I see chaste obedience within my state of life as my option.
Of course this doesn’t make sense if I define myself by my sexuality. If my identity is strongly linked to my sexual desires then I begin to feel that in order to be me I need to express them and any commandment that forces me to withhold expression is unfair to me. But our identity is not found in our sexuality. Our identity is in Christ. When we begin to see the expression of loving God as the chief aim of our life, then we stop seeing celibacy as an unfair restriction and see it as a freeing act of love.
We all have restrictions on our actions, and they are all the same restrictions. We shall not lie. We shall not murder. We shall not have sex outside of marriage. We shall not do this or that. God makes no exceptions for those who struggle against these sins. Does the man who struggles with anger to the point of beating someone to a pulp complain to God that the commandment is unfair to him because it asks him to control his anger while those who do not suffer with his same issues are free to express their emotions because to do so is not against a command? Or does the woman who is a pathological liar claim that the command to not lie is unfair to her because it leaves her one option, to control her condition while those who are not inclined to lie feel no burden by this command? Nope.
Yes, I feel a huge burden by the sexual commands of God, burdens not felt by most people, but that does not mean that the burden is unjust. It just means that this is my particular cross. There are other areas I do not feel burdened by, for instance the precept to attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day. I love that command! Yet others do not, and feel burdened because of it. That is their own cross.
Before I start rambling (if I haven’t already), I don’t see that I have fewer options than others, I just see that I have the seem obligation as others to love God in obedience.